An old friend from High School, Geneva, and her two beautiful little girls came over tonight for a visit. I SO enjoyed catching up- we talked about marriage, work, but mostly about kids. I was so intrigued to hear all about her kids and how she is able to keep up with two little ones. She has always worked and really loves her job. Her and I are a lot alike in that sense. It is no surprise that David and I will be married seven years this coming April, and with no kids, we have become pretty set in our ways. Talking with Geneva helped me figure out some of the scheduling issues I have been having with even considering starting a family. I am so much a planner, that having kids completely immobilizes me to the point where I almost think we won't have any by choice. Does that make sense? I want to have it all planned out before hand, and because I know that that is not only unrealistic, but impossible, it is just easier to carry on without them. I love my job to the point where thinking of not working scares me, and for that reason, I can't fathom being a mom. How can I choose between a job I love, and a child I love? I don't want to. I want it all- the classic argument, right? I am a teacher, and kids are my life. I spend eight hours a day with them, and for that reason, I have not really ever had the "baby bug". I talked with her tonight about that too- maybe I am the type of girl who has to be pregnant first? I know how you all must be cringing right now, but David and I both struggle with putting our foot down on the issue. Yes, we would like them, but at 26 we are still having so much fun doing our own thing. But!! I know my clock is ticking. At our speed, we could easily be mid-30's and still not sure if we are ready. Geneva was so candid, and sweet, and open tonight about her experience with all of that! She reassured me that I could be a good mom AND work if that is what I wanted. I know this is a touchy subject, but it one that has stopped me dead in my tracks for a many number of years, and has left me undecided on kids. Thanks, girl! Maybe there is still hope for me yet!
It's hard to work and have a child, even one. I feel like I spend all my energy at work and get home and have to muster up more to spend the time I KNOW is precious with my baby. The fact is, Jessica, your priorities will change when you have a child. I love my job and it's what I've always wanted to do but if I had to chose, it's a no brainer. I would miss it, but when you look in their little eyes and you know, they depend on you for their every need....THAT is what will stop you dead in your tracks.
ReplyDeleteMy house is often messy and my clothes are rarely ironed, but it's a small price to pay when I get to blow strawberry's on her belly, kiss her face and watch her learn and discover the wonders of life.
My friend, I hope you find peace about this and I trust that you will when the time is right--I love you and can't wait to see you Thurs!
you're not alone. more women than you think go through this same inner debate. i was 30 before i had my first child and what was difficult was i graduated with my master's degree in a full-fledged career that i was very excited about...only 2 weeks before i gave birth. no time for a career now! and now, i work a little and am a mom more just because i finally decided what was my priority for a few years. it's so hard but there's no wrong answer. you ARE still young and there shouldn't be a rush. you'll know when it's time, if ever.
ReplyDeleteI think you will make a wonderful mom, no matter what you decide. Some of the best mom's I know work full time jobs, so it can be done. You're very lucky that you would have the entire summer off with your little one, and you would always be home before dark. Teaching is a good "mom job". Brandy is right--your priorities will completely change with a little one. He or she will become your life, and you won't remember what life was like before(and you'll never want to go back). Geneva is such a cutie, and her little girls look just like her!
ReplyDeleteFirst, I think it's great that you know you aren't ready yet. Despite your "clock ticking" I think it's perfectly reasonable to wait until you're ready. My wife and I waited until we were in our early thirties and I'm so glad we did.
ReplyDeleteWe are so much better parents now than we would have been had we had kids seven years ago.
Plus, I know it seems your life is so full now that you couldn't imagine it any different but somehow having kids just fits in along with all else. My wife and I both work and it is hard at times to juggle career and home (the term "balance" is a misnomer as it never seems truly balanced) but we make it work and our lives are enriched because of it.
good luck on your journey!
Jessica, this is something Jason and I struggle with, too. We have been married about four and a half years and are just having so much fun. I am 26 and he is 28, and we do not feel ready in any way for kids. Everyone says that kids completely change your life and everything revolves around them, and I am not ready for that! So I was glad to see this blog and know that I am not alone. It seems like everyone I know my age is having kids.
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear you have a good friend to talk to. Your title made me start singing in my head the Girl Scout song that has this line.
ReplyDeleteThere's no rush for you to have babies. Don't feel the pressure. We have friends too that were married for many years and weren't sure if they wanted children. There is no mandate that says "You must have children if you get married!" I never bug married friends when they are going to have kids.
That said. It is some adjustment to go back to work after having a baby, but I've been successfully working for seven years now with one child. It hasn't been a huge issue. It just takes some coordination.
BTW, I didn't have my daughter until a few months before I turned 30.
Jess there is one thing to remember...God has your "clock" and HE knows exactly when and if He wants to change your life around and bless you with a child. Trust me, if it were mine and Will's timing, we would probably be overseas right now but only 15 months after we got married did we welcome G into our world. That just proves that it's all in HIS hands! Enjoy it while it's just the two of you! That's very special time for you and David! You have to plan like it's the D-Day invasion when you have a baby!!!
ReplyDeleteJessica,
ReplyDeleteJessica,
As you know, Zack and I did not feel like we were "ready" when we got pregnant with Zayde. I don't know if we would have EVER felt ready. I believe that's why God gives us nine months of preparation before we deliver! We need that nine months to prepare emotionally, mentally, spiritually more than just getting the nursery ready. :) You may never actually feel ready, but I believe that God will give you a peace when it’s His timing for you to have a baby. You never know, God may just bless you with a little one before you even plan for it. Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8 says, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot…” God has a time for you and David in everything you do. I would not worry or be anxious about it, but leave it in God’s hands. No matter what happens, I can promise you this: You will change from being selfish (I don’t mean that in a bad way- we are all selfish), from loving your job more than anything else, from wanting all your time for just you and David, to giving, caring and loving your baby more than you could EVER fathom. The things you and David did together will become so much more exciting with a child, the time and things that you want just for yourself will become things you want for your child and time you want with your child. I promise you will never wish you could go back to it being just you and David or having all your time just for yourself. You will not even remember what it was like before you had a baby and you won’t even want to. A child will bring you more joy, happiness and fulfillment than you can ever imagine before you have one. God gives us a “mother’s love” that is like nothing else. It is the most incredible feeling in the world. I believe that we can love, take care of and be AWESOME mommy’s just the same no matter if we work or stay home. You could be a horrible, unhappy mom if you stay home and you could be a wonderful, happy mom if you work. And visa versa. That is between you, David and God. Well, I’m sorry for all of my rambling. I just want the very best for you and David and I want you to be happy. I pray that you will find peace in this time of your life and that you will do what is best for you, not what you think other people think you should do. Do enjoy the time you have with David, don’t get me wrong in what I said earlier, this is a precious time that you have before kids. I love you sooo much!!
Oh Jessica, this place in life can be a wonderful place to be but you & David have always made good choices for yourseleves so to give this choice very careful thought is very wise. Some of us don't put this much thought into being a parent & then they look back on it & relize they were not ready for this but once they are in the middle of it someone will have to raise the children & there are no going back to the life you had before. You haven't been down this road in life before Jessica so its hard to fully know whats ahead for you & David but if you consider parenthood with this much thought you would be ready for it just because you would have put thought into it & not just left it to chance. You will never be fully ready for all it takes to be a good parent until you are one & you will made a great mom. And I will be the best grandmom I know how to be too all my little grandbabies they will never do anything wrong, I can only image the trouble I will get myself into, I already get in trouble with the dog for giving her to many treats....what if its a human baby, Oh my goodness.... Ha!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou are definitely not alone. I came across your blog over the weekend from a link on another blog. Hope you don't mind. I am 23 and the pressure is on from my hubby's family. He is the only grandson with out kids yet. I don't feel ready yet either and there are things I want to accomplish like finishing school and start teaching before having kids. In fact, I really don’t want to have kids until I am closer to 30. It gets old trying to explain it. Thanks for your post!
ReplyDeleteJessica, everyone has already written you enough advice but let me just say this to you. when I first began to read your blog I was impressed immediately with your sweet smile and your zest for life. You love your husband, your home, your children at school.your extended family, etc. but let me just tell you there is no love like you will feel for your own child. There will be tough times but I can't even fathom life without the enrichment that has come from my children. It is worth it to lose some freedoms for a season. Ask God for His timing and He will be faithful. You are a precious young lady!
ReplyDeleteCute, cute girls! I'm glad you had a nice visit with an old friend! Y
ReplyDeleteI don't crochet, but maybe I should take it up? Justin would not be happy for me to start a new project. I don't even have time for the few I already have. But, I'm begging for an embroidery machine for Christmas. ;)
Hi there! Valerie from The Nut House. Gotta Love PW. I love your blog! How did you get such awesome colors and the way you sign your name? Inquiring minds want to know. Stop in at my site again and spill your guts girl!
ReplyDeleteV
Hi Jessica, I know my blog name gives it away...mom of three and more. I'm 26 also and have four children now. I love my children and wouldn't trade them for anything. However, I've never had the opportunities that you've had. My oldest was 10 months when I met my husband and 14 months when we got married. We love God and are committed to serving him but we didn't get that chance to have adventures just the two of us and run off and take trips. We've made the decisions that were best for us. Enjoy your 'freedom' but know that when kids do come along...they just add another layer to the adventure. And you will take a lot of joy in introducing the little one to all the things that you and David love. It's definitely worth it when God brings it along. But there's plenty of time.
ReplyDeleteSo, I've read your blog posting and some of the comments. Very encouraging to a mom-to-be that isn't real sure what she's about to get herself into! :) I, too, am a planner and honestly had no plans of being pregnant at this time! Of course, Evan and I had "plans" of children, but NOT at the same time we were making a move to another state and going back to school! I really always thought I'd be one of those people that either took forever to get pregnant or wouldn't be able to have children (probably an unnatural fear) so I was in total shock when I found out and stayed that way for quite a while! Even more honestly, I cried when I found out because I just couldn't figure out how it was all going to work out. (You know...the planner in me just needed to know how it would work!) But since then, with the whole baby thing, I've just kind-of been brought to a point where I can't see the long-term future anymore and just take things a day at a time. It's a scary place to be, but a wonderful place, just because I have HAD to become truly dependant on God to meet all of our needs and to completely trust Him with the future of our family!
ReplyDeleteI, too, love teaching. I miss it terribly. I miss the kids, the control of my classroom, something meaningful to occupy my time during the day, working relationships, planning creative lessons...all of it. (Well, maybe not grading papers!) Right now, I don't feel bad about "wanting" to go back to work next year, but I'm also looking forward to this year of being away from the classroom. Who knows? My heart may completely change once this baby is here and I may not find the classroom so meaningful anymore. I know that will all be revealed to me when the time is necessary. Right now, I just don't want to be so caught up in "worrying" about the future that I miss out on the present with our sweet little one! I don't think there should be a debate as to what is better-staying home or working. I think it's a decision that parents have to make for their particular family. You will know what is best for you when the time is necessary. I don't think there is any way you can figure that out right now!
Anyway, I say all that just to encourage you to really pray about it and give your anxieties over to God. Don't try to get it all figured out because the moment you think you've got it figured out, everything will change again!
You and David will make the right decision about children when the time is right. Either that, or you will be like Evan and me and God will choose the time for you! :)
Anyway, I don't know if that helped any at all. You've got lots of wisdom on your comments page from people who know better than I do!!! If you and David choose to never have children, that's okay, too. Nobody will love you any less or think any differently of you. (Well, they shouldn't anyway.) As much as everyone wants to put their two-cents in, the baby debate is something that you and David have to decide. We will all be there to encourage you any way we can!
Read Philippians 4:6-7. It's probably a familiar verse, but one that might give you a little comfort as you think through this issue!
Hey Jessica!
ReplyDeleteI know that this is a hard struggle. I struggled when I became pregnant the first time. I was alone, or so I thought...So many people helped me. I never wanted to be a mother at 21, but I had no choice...well I did but there is no way that I could do the alternative. I love both of my girls. When, If you have children you will have struggles, you will lose your patience want to pull your hair out. I have recently just been throught that ( since my husband is gone right now) But we are in this for the long haul and I would not trade it for anything.
I love my girls so unconditionally and I know that they love me unconditionally. That is the most true love that you could ever feel. You know the love that you have for your mother, well multiply that by 1000. It is incredable!! Hopefully with all of your friends and family leaving you comments you can find what is right for you and David.
Love ya
Geneva
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