Three Years Ago

Three years ago,

life was all about me.

On November 13th, 2008 I labored naturally, without an epidural, for six hours.

And it was hard work.

But it was a moment that defined my life

I know this picture is graphic and I debated back and forth over sharing it, but it was a moment that changed the course of my life.

When I look at it, my eyes bounce back and forth in between Harbor's face and David's tear.

And our family grew.

All my life, I had never heard the cry of my own child until that hour.

And I never quite understood that our entire family would change and grow to accomodate a new person.

It affected everyone. A joyous change.

I looked into his face and saw myself. And David. And my mother. And my grandmother.

It was all there- in the eyes and nose and mouth.

It was unbelievable.

And we were so unsure and tired and running on pure love.

Before I became a mother,

I never knew what it meant to become selfless.

We never dreamed that it could it could feel so good, so right, so perfect to put someone else first.

I watched my husband of seven years at the time,

become a leader, not of just his home, but of his family.

We prayed for this child,

sang to this baby,

rocked this boy.

We read books about what not to do,

and I really believed I would never get dressed and leave the house again with makeup.

But, I slowly learned a new routine.

And Harbor thrived in our care.

And we kept saying, "He is still breathing. He is still growing. I think we really can do this!"

And he learned to laugh and smile.

And we felt like we were doing something right.

Life became better, sweeter, happier because we had someone to share it with.

Holidays we had forgotten became new and child-like to us again.

And we brought him home, to our house.

And we wondered how the dog would react, how much sleep we would get, if he would latch and feed without our saint of a nurse watching my every move, if I would ever recover, if I could ever go back to teaching, and if life would ever be the same.

Life never was the same. But, that's the good news.

We somehow figured it all out. Wisdom came so fast, so quickly. We felt like naturals.

We had so much help and support.

Three years ago, I became somebody's mommy.

I'm still nervous. I still worry. I still hope. I still wonder. 

But Jesus has taught me that He has the whole world in His hands.

Happy 3rd Birthday, Harbor William!

I know we live 1,000 miles from home, and that there will only be two people at your party today.

But know you are loved. My goodness, son, you are so loved.