Saturday, November 12, 2011

Three Years Ago

Three years ago,

life was all about me.

On November 13th, 2008 I labored naturally, without an epidural, for six hours.

And it was hard work.

But it was a moment that defined my life
I know this picture is graphic and I debated back and forth over sharing it, but it was a moment that changed the course of my life.
When I look at it, my eyes bounce back and forth in between Harbor's face and David's tear.

And our family grew.

All my life, I had never heard the cry of my own child until that hour.

And I never quite understood that our entire family would change and grow to accomodate a new person.
It affected everyone. A joyous change.

I looked into his face and saw myself. And David. And my mother. And my grandmother.
It was all there- in the eyes and nose and mouth.
It was unbelievable.

And we were so unsure and tired and running on pure love.

Before I became a mother,

I never knew what it meant to become selfless.

We never dreamed that it could it could feel so good, so right, so perfect to put someone else first.

I watched my husband of seven years at the time,

become a leader, not of just his home, but of his family.

We prayed for this child,

sang to this baby,

rocked this boy.

We read books about what not to do,

and I really believed I would never get dressed and leave the house again with makeup.
But, I slowly learned a new routine.

And Harbor thrived in our care.
And we kept saying, "He is still breathing. He is still growing. I think we really can do this!"

And he learned to laugh and smile.

And we felt like we were doing something right.

Life became better, sweeter, happier because we had someone to share it with.

Holidays we had forgotten became new and child-like to us again.

And we brought him home, to our house.

And we wondered how the dog would react, how much sleep we would get, if he would latch and feed without our saint of a nurse watching my every move, if I would ever recover, if I could ever go back to teaching, and if life would ever be the same.

Life never was the same. But, that's the good news.

We somehow figured it all out. Wisdom came so fast, so quickly. We felt like naturals.
We had so much help and support.

Three years ago, I became somebody's mommy.

I'm still nervous. I still worry. I still hope. I still wonder. 
But Jesus has taught me that He has the whole world in His hands.

Happy 3rd Birthday, Harbor William!
I know we live 1,000 miles from home, and that there will only be two people at your party today.
But know you are loved. My goodness, son, you are so loved.


  1. Happy b-day from Italy sweet boy!!!

  2. Happy Birthday Harbor! What a precious post! I am crying as I read it!

  3. I cried, thinking about all our pre-Harbor chats...
    I love you & your family!
    Happy Birthday Harbor William!

  4. What a sweet, sweet post, Jessica! It made me teary reading it....full of all your sincerity and love. You are so blessed with such a precious little boy! Happy Birthday Harbor!! :)

  5. Jessica, I don't even know. I don't know that I've ever commented on your blog, but reading your blog today made me cry - in a good way. Perhaps it's because I am also the mother of a November boy and it all rang so close to home. Happy Mommy-versary to you!

  6. Happy 3rd birthday sweet Harbor William. Poppy & Gigi love & miss you so much. I know you will have a wonderful day with mommy,daddy & Bichon. All these photos brought back so many memories. Three years have passed so fast. And Harbor your mommy & daddy have become wonderful parents to raise you into a Christ centered home full of love.I know you will enjoy all your birthday goodies, wish I could be there to play with you but we will be together very soon :) Gigi

  7. Ahh, such a sweet post!!!! The moment you become a mother is an amazing feeling. Harbor sure is a handsome little man, hope he has a wonderful 3rd birthday!!!

  8. Happy Birthday Harbor! Love seeing the pictures of when he was little again.

  9. What a sweet post. Happy 3rd Birthday to Mr. Harbor! You make such a beautiful family. :)

  10. This post is beautiful!

    Happy birthday Harbor!! <3

  11. Thanks for the cry! Happy birthday, Harbor!

  12. Your post brought tears to my eyes! I hope Harbor has a wonderful day! He doesn't care if there are 3 or 300 people at his party--he has you and David and that's what's important! :)

  13. Happy Birthday to your sweet Harbor! 10 years ago today, my life changed just as yours did! I was blessed with a precious baby girl! Hope your Harbor has a blessed birthday and many many more to come! (P.S. I have been reading your blog for a few months now but have never taken the time to leave a comment. I currently don't have my own blog but had one years ago for quite some time. My name is Amy, 30, single momma from Texas, special ed. teacher and enjoy reading your blog. Maybe one day I will make another one.)

  14. What a sweet post! I teared up reading it! Happy Birthday Harbor!!

  15. That is the sweetest thing I think I have ever read! Oh my goodness! You are so right, he is one loved little guy. It will probably be the most special and memorable birthday, too! Mainly because you DO realize it is all about the love you guys share! Isn't it amazing how life changed so fast with one little baby?!?!

  16. What a beautiful post. I think a lot about having children will change me, and posts like this really affirm everything I hope for.

    And thanks for the link!

  17. Oh, Jessica! I just love this post!! Happy Birthday to all 3 of you!!

  18. I CAN NOT BELIEVE IT HAS BEEN 3 YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!! Precious!

  19. Happy Birthday, Harbor! I remember reading when he was born on your blog!

  20. Jessica,
    You commented on my blog about a week ago, and I'm just now replying. It IS a small world. I have been following your blog and love all of your neat/creative ideas! I hope you are enjoying your new life in the north. I first saw your blog, I think, through Brandy Foshe, but recognized you because we went through non-traditional together. I don't update often (I'll try to do better.) Thanks for commenting!